Good morning..
I'm so sleepy. The sound of someone hammering woke me up. Renovations not completed yet, I guess. *yawns* Sleepy, sleepy, sleepy. I only had 7 hours of sleep. Minus the minutes I spent plotting an evil scheme to make myself sleep.. and the minutes spent dreaming of the nonexistant prince charming.. as well as getting my licence. Hehehehe.. So, it should be around 5 hours then.

Oh yeah. Got the biggest shock of my life. With eyes half closed, I checked my handphone for new messages. And, there was one. It was from this person whom I believe I told that I wasnt interested in short term relationship. That if the next guy who wants me to be his girlfriend would have to come and meet my parents and ask for my hand in marriage. In other words, masuk meminang ah. Reason being, then he couldnt go fooling around. He'd be more serious in the relationship. And we wont be wasting both our times. Okay, back to the story.. He messaged saying that he'll start saving money and he'll marry me. Ahhhhhh...

I'm touched but I'm not sure if I want to marry him. Cause you see.. I've known him for years. But that doesnt mean that we know each other well. We only talk when he's feeling down. When he needs comforting, I'll try to be there. In other words, I treat him like a friend. Not more, not less. And for goodness sake.. I'm not even 20 yet.

Maybe feelings will develop.. And maybe it wont. But for the time being.. I'd prefer to be left alone. But why is it that when I tell this to him and the rest, they dont seem to understand? And how can I be the girl they have always wanted when they dont know many things about me. When we rarely meet and talk. When we have not much things in common.

I'm not trying to be evil or cruel or bitchy. I just dont want to give them hope and pretend that I have feelings for them too. I dont want to have to pretend.

All I want right now is to concentrate more on myself and my family, not forgetting Gemuk.. To be independant. To live life the way I want it to be. And I believe that if we're meant to be.. We will be. There's no use thinking hard about it. =)

I dont need a boyfriend.. I need friends

Edited at 11.47am